Tag Archives: Just Widowed

A Widow’s Grief

In the process of writing my book, I’ve interviewed dozens of widows about their grief and loss. Eventually, I started getting emails and phone calls from others who experienced a different type of loss. The thing about grief is that others can relate to this universal feeling of despair because nearly everyone has experienced a significant loss. Others shared with me a lament for their child, sister, mother or close friend. When it was possible, I would meet someone for coffee and would intently listen to their story. They would share their story, and then ask about my late husband.

Over time, I noticed in talking with others that I met, that many posed a similar question. It didn’t matter the age of the person I was talking with, when they experienced their loss, what type of circumstances the loss happened under, or their current marital status. The question that I am most frequently asked was this: How do you trust in God after your husband died? I don’t think anyone was looking for a sophisticated theological explanation, but more of a wondering of how it is possible to believe in something. My answer is always hesitant because there are days when I’m not sure how or why I continue to believe. Sometimes, I stumble and people catch my awkward pause. This is how I explain my faith. I believe despite great suffering and darkness that love, coming from God, is what transcends death.

I am aware that this answer is not satisfactory to most people. Some people have shared with me a story about their spouse’s suicide or child’s accidental overdose. I know that they feel abandoned by God and cheated by life. I have no answers.

I continue to believe in God despite hearing these horrible and tragic stories. I believe that compassion comes from finding love among our deepest wounds. It is this compassion, which allows all of us to console each other. I know that it is in this place where we communicate our deepest love.

Shortly after my husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I talked with my husband about my disappointment in God. I was fragile and vulnerable. There always seemed to be a lump in my throat and a tear in the corner of my eye. I told my husband, “I just don’t get it. Why?” My husband, without missing a beat, answered, “You are asking the wrong question. Instead of asking, ‘why us’, you should be asking, ‘why not us’?”

My Trip to Kenya

As many of you read in my newsletter, I am heading to Kenya. I will be traveling with a few other widows, and we will be visiting an organization that services widows. International Widows Day is June 23, 2014. This day brings to light the significant issues widows and children face. These problems include poverty, illiteracy, HIV/ AIDS, and social oppression. Please stay tuned for the photos and articles I’ll be honored to share with you as a result of my experiences in Africa.

You can find more information about International Widow’s Day here, at the Loomba Foundation.